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Is Your Legitimacy Bestowed by Approval?

5/26/2020

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Have you ever been curious about your relationship with approval? How much legitimacy do you give it?

Many people place their well-being and sense of okayness or enoughness in the hands of other people rather than owning it themselves.

When our okayness has been outsourced, we become very susceptible to manipulation by those to whom we have placed our well-being in their possession. We are highly susceptible to the loss and perceptually true lack of our enoughness when they withhold their approval, and we will often self injure and self abandon to earn their approval again.

When someone disapproves of you, or your choices and how you live your life, they are attempting to shame you with their disapproval. It only works if you hold that person in high regard as someone who knows better than you, someone that you trust more than you, someone you think has more power than you or whom you believe holds the key to your okayness and enoughness in their possession.

It's no different when someone proclaims their disappointment in you. Their proclamations are an attempt to get you do to what they want you to do, choose what they want you to choose, be who they want you to be, behave how they want you to behave. They may be very deliberately employing this tactic to achieve a purpose, or it may be an entirely unconscious strategy they learned from a parent who used it on them conditioning them to obey.

Perhaps the most powerful tool to enlist subservience, submission, obedience and compliance to a self-interested person, agenda or authority is withholding approval, which is often combined with the threat of being ostracized, cast out, excluded and abandoned to be left alone unsupported and uncared for. It works incredibly well.

Have you explored your relationship with authority? Have you inquired as to how much of your well-being, okayness and enoughness you have allowed others to possess? How much of your worth do you allows others to determine for you?

Current events seem to be highlighting everywhere we have collectively habituated the outsourcing of our well-being, okayness, enoughness, authority and worth to others in an alarming way. I see this as an invitation to evolve beyond this paradigm, and claim our own self-possession.

How we relationally participate with each other and Life in every moment of every day determines the world we each collectively create together.

I am participating with Life by honoring each being as fully capable of trusting themselves to know how they would like to expressively create and participate with Life for themselves. My approval, self-interested interference or protection is not necessary nor justified by any reason. No one need prove or earn anything from me to be deemed capable, enough, included, appreciated, valued and loved.
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No one need approve of how I steward my life. The conviction with which I participate in the emergence of a new paradigm, one that feels value for and experiences union among all beings, is enough for me. It is the world I know is possible, and I will gift all that I am to birth it.
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What do you know is possible? What world would you like to live into and experience in every new tomorrow? It we don't take care to create it, who will?
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The Power of Radical Responsibility

5/3/2020

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Taking radical responsibility for all experience in our lives takes the courage of our conviction.

When we don't take full responsibility for our experiences, we often feel at the effect of our environment, which includes others whom we perceive to have more power than we do, those we have elevated to positions of authority, situations we believe were caused by others, unlucky circumstances seemingly out of our control and even our own dominant thoughts and feelings that seem to consistently take the driver's seat of our lives.

When we don't take full responsibility for our experiences, we are often unconsciously driven by a greater and greater need to control our environment whenever a threat is perceived. And because we generally feel at the effect of so much in our environment, almost everything in it can be perceived as a threat.

When we don't take full responsibility for our experiences, we tend not to trust our environment, or those who populate it, because it doesn't feel like we have the power to change it.

This feeling of powerlessness can be pervasive, yet generally lives beneath the surface of our awareness because actually acknowledging feelings of powerlessness can be terrifying. Rather than confront our feelings of powerlessness, and allow that encounter to ignite an inner revolution that reveals the inherent nature of our power, we don the role of victim and promote blame as the true and justifiable scapegoat for all our struggles and misfortune.

It seems many people now, perceiving themselves to be threatened and not just by the virus, have become compelled in their attempts to forcefully dominate their environments in an effort to find relief from feeling powerless.

Yet the antidote to feeling powerless is not most effectively realized by expending Herculean effort to force everything into a strict compliance protocol dependent upon total control of our external environment for maximum safety. No matter how much we believe that strategy is the answer, it will never be sustainable and will never allow us to know, acknowledge and embody our natural inherent power absent of any need to dominate.
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Taking radical responsibility in our lives is the antidote for feelings of powerlessness. It requires the courage and conviction to stop outsourcing power by making anything other than ourselves responsible for our experience. It may seem like an insurmountable challenge. Yet I assure you, not only are you fully capable of claiming your power, you are entitled to possess it as your innate human heritage.
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The Call to Liberation

5/1/2020

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For as long as I can remember, I have had an aversion to conformity and consensus. To me, they feel like gatekeepers to creative expression as if being the same is better than being divergent. For many, it may feel safer to seek sameness, hide differences and stay out of the spotlight. But, at what cost? Adopting a life of uniformity feels regressive, constraining and diminishing to me.

When I follow my intuition and innate knowing, I am continually drawn to ideas rooted in the causal nature of consciousness, the primacy of natural law and all that encourages unique creative expression.

As a coach and facilitator of relationships and consciousness for twenty years, I long ago realized not everyone is interested in or willing to hear what I teach and it can even be too confronting for some to acknowledge there are people in the world who share my values, ideas and worldview.

Those deeply rooted in their comfortably familiar points of view and invested in maintaining their mainstream experience of consensus reality have been known to scoff at, and even malign, me and my message. That’s okay.

Those aren’t my people.

They are not looking to embody all the power and potential that accompanies the experience of complete personal responsibility, which I am continually discovering, inhabiting and learning to share more effectively with others.

They want to keep their scapegoats.

They want something or someone to blame.

They follow the societal norm of outsourcing their worth to external authorities because believing outside forces and causes know better and are more powerful is easier.

Well-defined, pre-approved conventionally established ideals are convenient, familiar, extensively validated and do not require cultivating the courage to trust yourself.

Recognizing and acknowledging YOU as the primary cause of everything in your experience is challenging.

It’s confronting.

It’s nebulous and nuanced.

It requires ruthless introspection, radical self-honesty and an unrelenting desire for freedom.
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Not everyone values these things. But for those who feel called to live a more powerfully alive, authentically thriving and individually unique creative expression, it’s time to lean in and go deeper.

Where do you self-abandon rather than self-advocate?

Who or what do you still blame for your circumstances or well-being?

In what situations do you allow yourself to feel helpless or powerless?

Where can you take greater personal responsibility for your internal and external experience?

How can you feel more free?  Would you like to?
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    Author

    Tamara Younker, CCP is a BioEnergetic Wellness Practitioner and Facilitator of Self Discover in service to greater Self Awareness, Self Autonomy and Personal Sovereignty.

    ​She hosted Consciousness Unleashed radio show on the World Puja Network, The Playground of Possibilities radio show on Inspired Choices Network and Seducing Aliveness on BlogTalk Radio. She is co-author of the Amazon #1 best selling book, The Energy of Healing.   

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