I am incredibly excitable and naturally enthusiastic about things that make me feel alive that I enjoy, and I genuinely desire to share that joy with others. When that exuberance was not received by others---no matter the reason---I interpreted that to mean something about me. I must be wrong for giving too much. They way I give must be ineffective, inadequate. Or else, why would they refuse it?
Slowly, over time, I decided it was too painful to express, share and be naturally joyful because all too often I was met with not being received. And, that hurt. So, I shut the exuberant giving down. I closed myself off and kept it suppressed, which I have come to learn has been the source of great suffering in my life. I know now that what others won't receive is not about me. It never was.
Those who close themselves off from life believe they are protecting themselves from the wounding that comes from "out there." But, is that truly the source of our pain? Does it really come from "out there?"
I remember being open and giving when I was younger, and with such ease. It matters not why I shut that down. It only matters that I can choose now to be open, and unleash my desire to give, share and be a beacon of possibility for ALL to see whether they receive it or not.
Today I'm showing up shining. And, grateful for it.