Allowance is a lived experience that emerges naturally when you no longer disapprove of any part of you, or any experience you have had or any choice you have made. Ever.
Allowance requires taking full responsibility for your entire emotional experience, and no longer requiring others to play the role of caretaker to your needs.
Allowance is lived generously when you have no further need or reason to judge yourself, or shield yourself behind strategies of protection from what others might "do to you."
Allowance for self and others is a byproduct of living free when a willingness to vulnerably reveal prevails rather than hiding within fortresses built from wrongness, resentment, guilt, shame, regret, blame and embarrassment---all of which deplete your inherent resilience and resourcefulness.
Allowance is unconditional self regard absent of inclinations toward self injury that result from believing you are lacking in some way unable to meet conditioned expectations.
Are you thinking that might sound nice, but it's unrealistic and can't be done? The protective mechanisms of the mind would have you believe before you even being that allowance is impossible to embody, so why bother?
It is unlikely you will ever gather enough evidence from others to be convinced of your value so that you can finally believe it to be true. When you learn from others to devalue yourself, the assurance from others that you have done enough to earn value is generally not trusted.
Coming to value yourself is an inside job. It may require getting sick of your misery, or hitting your version of rock bottom before it becomes intolerable to live even a moment more in the despair of a devalued self image.
You can go on day after day striving to prove your value in a world that isn't designed to bestow value upon you, or you can surrender the proving battle and open to the possibility of allowance for all that you are, and have ever been and done.
That indisputable moment of surrender arises when you commit to caring for yourself, and making that self care more valuable than any form of outside validation could ever supply. In that moment, the constant urge to seek external evidence that you matter begins to fade away. In that moment, your dance with allowance begins and it is quite possible you begin to experience the nourishment of self gratitude, self honoring and self appreciation for the very first time.