Blog Posts

I just want them to be happy! ~ Tamara Younker

11/29/2016

Wanting more for others than they want for themselves, or projecting our choices for our life onto others as if that is what they should choose too, is a recipe for misery. Our simple joy in living is an offering to others that demonstrates there is a different possibility.

Some will choose joy too, and some will remain embedded in protecting that which causes their suffering. Allowance of their choice to suffer is a gift to both us and them. It doesn't dismiss them or the "reality" of their suffering. It actually honors their choice and in the space of that honoring, they have the freedom to choose something different whenever THEY are ready to do so.

How often does forcing your point of view of what others should choose work anyway, even when what you sincerely desire is for them to be happy? Then do you suffer too because their refusal of happiness doesn't make sense to you? Does it need to make sense to you? Is it really about you?

I chose to protect that which caused me suffering too...until I didn't. And now, I am immeasurably grateful for my courage to be a pioneer of possibility beyond the consensus belief that suffering is inevitable and we have no choice but to endure it. Will you join me?

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But, Why? ~ Tamara Younker

8/12/2015

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Do you ever think that if you could just figure out why you do or choose something that is troublesome to you that you could finally change it? What if asking why is simply an unanswerable question?

The thing is when you question why, you are generally just seeking to validate or invalidate a judgment you have already made and there is really no relief to be had in that. Any reason and justification for why that you find acceptable simply serves to pacify the mind in its constant need to secure control. The only reason there really ever is for anything you choose is simply because you can. Searching for why is one of the main ways to keep you hooked into the causal incarnations, incarcerations and incongruities of a limited causal reality. So if why is not the key to change, then what?

For years I have said that allowance is the lubricant of change. It can ease you out of the stuck spots that nothing else seems to release. The thing about allowance is that it's an energy of BEing that functions beyond the understanding of the mind, which needs for things to make sense in a logical way to maintain a sense of "safety."

Allowance can't operate from mind. Mind operates from judgment. Being in allowance of the choices of others, and your own, is not something to be understood. It's a choice to be made in honor of them, and you. Allowance is a gift we give to ourselves in the space of non-judgment, and there we may discover the ease and peace that a judgment permeated reality will likely never know.

So, I wonder. What gift of allowance can you be today? What kindness can you be for YOU?

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The End of Compromise ~ Tamara Younker

8/6/2015

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Did you learn that compromise and consensus are the holy grail of relationship? What if compromise indicates resignation? What if the best that can be hoped for from compromise is satisfaction? Is that the most you would like to create and receive in your relationships---satisfaction? Not me. I desire more.

Throughout my childhood, I heard my mother say over and over again, “Marriage is a compromise. Marriage is a compromise.” Every time she said it, my blood boiled. I wanted to scream at her. “Why does marriage have to be a compromise?!” But, that kind of questioning was not allowed in my household. My assigned right and proper role was to align and agree with all declarations delivered. As a child, I was little more than a prop in my parent’s reality expected solely to follow along in their well-worn footsteps like a good little obedient devotee. Nothing original beyond the approved script of thinking and behavior was ever allowed. But, I digress.

Compromise and consensus offer little more than to pacify, especially when we have bought into these objectives as the proper way to do relationship. How much of you do you have to cut off in order to compromise? What must you give up to always align and agree in consensus? But then again, isn’t it selfish to NOT compromise? Let’s look at that.

The strategy of compromise is installed quite young, and most people don’t doubt its utility. It goes unquestioned. It’s simply understood. It’s what we do. Anyone who appears to be choosing otherwise is quickly shamed by others as, “Selfish!” It’s as if the worst kind of viciousness perpetrated against others is to choose and live a self-directed life. What arrogance! Selfish, as a manipulatively degrading label of shame, quite often does the trick to get the offending rebel back into line with the rest of the obedient lemmings so proud of their proficiency in proving how well they can follow the objective of selflessness. After all, that’s how you get validation and praise, isn’t it? And, how dreadful our fate to be dismissively disregarded and deprived of the coveted stamp of approval from others to know we’ve done a good job getting it right. Where then would we get the love and affection we need? It’s a dilemma many people face daily as they strive to survive their destiny bound to run on the endlessly effortful hamster wheel of do-to-get.

So, what has any of this to do with compromise? When we compromise, it often indicates we have given up on the infinitely generous gift of possibility. We have concluded there is no other way, but to compromise. It’s the ultimate problem solver. Compromise is the way to keep the peace, and make everyone happy. That irrefutable truth has been imprinted on us since childhood, hasn’t it? Compromise has become normal, even expected. But, keep the peace at what expense? Is compromise truly the prize winning cure for conflict, or does it simply mask the symptoms of resignation and acquiescence that indicate something destructive is being ignored? Who actually gets to be happy in a compromise anyway? Is anyone genuinely happy at all? Or, are any glad feelings really more the consequence of not having been the one to compromise this time. Because you know you’re keeping score to ensure you are not on the losing end of the compromise too many times. It has to be fair, right? I can’t help but wonder. Is the best to be hoped for in relationship a vigilant determination not to lose coupled with a constant effort to keep things fair? That’s exhausting!

That used to be my reality. Though it made my blood boil every time my mother told me marriage was a compromise, it’s what I learned and I didn’t know any other way. So, I compromised. I compromised me, and I compromised my desires. Asking for more, or anything different, wasn’t even an option that occurred to me. That would be a betrayal of the all mighty directive to compromise! I was taught that compromise was a dutiful way of showing gratitude for all I had been given. So, I didn’t ask. And because I didn’t ask, any natural capacity I had to receive atrophied from neglect. If you don’t ask, you don’t receive.

You may have never considered that compromise is a way of refusing receiving. It’s the most prominent way of ensuring we never receive the relationships and life we truly desire. We compromise us, and our desires, and then wonder why things seem so hard and life doesn’t work the way we would like.

So, I wonder. What would be possible in your relationships, and in your life, if you stopped believing you had to compromise? Are you willing to receive all of YOU, and more?

I work with clients around the world assisting them to create lives beyond compromise. I have no interest in offering simple tips and tricks to soothe and smooth over the painful struggle of trying to make a relationship paradigm work that doesn’t, and never will as long as you are compromising you. The time has come to design relationships in a completely different and radical way that always includes you.

Don't sell yourself short. Joy filled relationships don't have to be out of reach. You CAN have ALL you desire, and it would be my pleasure to guide you in creating and having just that.

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You're Invited to the Intimacy of Being

1/20/2015

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“Gary Douglas, Founder of Access Consciousness, spent four days calling me a liar at his Level 2&3 classes I attended in San Francisco in 2010. It was intensely confronting to say the least, and I remember feeling quite dumbfounded. I was answering his questions with total transparency...or, so I thought. Despite his rather provocative manner of interacting with me, I was determined to overhaul every detail of my life and kept asking questions. To my dismay, his replies to me continued to include the accusation, "Liar!" Finally by the end of the fourth day, I realized there was a question I had not yet thought to ask that could no longer be ignored. "Gary, what is it going to take for me to know when I'm lying to myself?" And, so the disenchantment began.

I left those classes in San Francisco with the awareness that there was only one route to the total life makeover I had so desperately been seeking. I would never receive what I desired by functioning the way I had been...invalidated my capacity to create, and living completely at the effect of the world around me. Gary had called me to my greatness in those classes by exposing everywhere I had been lying to myself through disavowing my own knowing, making the limitations of consensus reality immutably true and concluding that I was powerless in the face of it.

I had allowed the linchpin of my reality to be pulled during those four days of classes, and I could sense the impending collapse of all I had thought was real. Gary was kind enough to provide me my first bread crumb though as he invited me to embark upon a journey home to BEing. “Vulnerability,” he said was the place to start. “What’s that?” I pondered. I had spent my whole life sheltering myself within a fortress of protection, and now he was saying the key to freedom was vulnerability. Was he crazy?

It was because I had tasted the nectar of BEing many times during my years of meditation and while communing with nature in desolate forests that I was determined to undertake the challenge, and destroy all barriers I had installed against BEing in my daily living. Little did I know that a love affair with intimacy would quickly ensue, and I will be forever grateful for the many mysteries of consciousness that the Intimacy of BEing has revealed to me. Consider this your invitation to embark upon your own journey home to BEing by igniting your awareness of the Five Elements of Intimacy, and all the ways they can contribute to BEing the greatness of YOU. “

Tamara Younker, CFMW, CCP

After four years of research and play with the Five Elements of Intimacy using the Access Consciousness tools, Tamara began facilitating specialty classes on Intimacy in 2014. Find her schedule of Intimacy classes at www.tamarayounker.accessconsciousness.com and if you don’t see a class near you, invite her to offer one where you live.

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Who Are YOU Relative to This Reality? ~ Tamara Younker

9/27/2014

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Recently I gave a talk in Seattle called, Intimacy: Breaking the Bondage of Relationship. I ask questions beforehand, but never really know what I’m going to talk about until the energy arises in the room with the audience present. It ended up being a fun exploration into stability points, and how we use them to keep ourselves in a state of bondage, or enslavement, to this reality. We don't generally consider that we have created our identity based on a relationship with this reality where we continuously evaluate ourselves relative to it. Is there any freedom in that? Or, is it where we trap ourselves in the ultimate no choice universe?

When we use this system of self-evaluation from stability points as a source of self-judgment, we create ourselves as subject to this reality. We enslave ourselves by buying the lie that this reality is superior and we are inferior, and thus allow it to dominate us. This creates a trap where we're eternally trying to overcome an erroneous conclusion that this reality is greater than us. Then it seems as if our only option is to fight against it to prove that we do have the power to overcome it, which at the same time solidifies the stability points we use to perpetuate the conclusion that we are inferior. Would an infinite being need to prove it has the power to overcome anything? Or, would an infinite being simply acknowledge the sovereignty it has had all along? Things that make you go, "Hmmmm...."

So, here's how the story goes. We buy the lie that this reality has power over us and we use stability points to enforce that lie, which create a feeling of powerlessness and no choice. Then, we exhaust ourselves using all the force we can muster to fight against this reality to prove we have the power to overcome it. Does that seem a little crazy to anyone else but me?

Would you like to out create that insanity? Acknowledge your choice in creating it! Stop investing in the stability points you're using to maintain the lies, and choose again. Choose again, and again, and again, and again and again until your choice creates a new reality where the expectations of this current reality, and what it would have you choose, are no longer relevant to YOU!

Developing intimacy with YOU acts as an antidote to everywhere you are living at the effect of this reality, which is designed to instill doubt in you and what you know. What would be different if you choose to honor YOU, trust YOU, be in allowance of YOU, be vulnerable with YOU, and have gratitude for BEing YOU no matter what? And, what if choosing that creates the world you desire to live in where possibility prevails and everything is a choice available to you?

What do you know about intimacy, that you have not been acknowledging you know, that if you acknowledged that you know it would change your reality? What if intimacy is the space of BEing that is so simple the mind cannot comprehend it no matter how hard it tries?

Enjoy the exploration!

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Surfing the Disequilibrium ~ Tamara Younker

9/26/2014

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I have been asking for more from living. And when I start choosing in the direction of more, it creates change. And when change happens, things can often become turbulent and feel uncomfortable as I venture into unknown territory without familiar reference points. I’ve come to call it “surfing the disequilibrium.”

Change doesn’t have to be difficult, yet it will almost always reveal something new. New is often unfamiliar, and unfamiliar is often interpreted as uncomfortable. The thing is, our unwillingness to make the next choice often amplifies the feeling of discomfort. Just like you can’t steer a parked car, there’s no movement in any direction when you stop choosing. You’re stuck; perhaps stuck in the feeling of your thinking that things should be less uneasy and more secure…and, right now!

There have been times in the past when as the reference points fell away, I became anxious and stopped choosing not wanting to contribute further to what seemed like increasing chaos. But, then I felt stuck. I knew I didn’t want to go back to the way things were. Yet, I had stopped choosing in the new direction often feeling like I didn’t even know WHAT to choose. Not trusting in me enough to choose the next thing, and therefore NOT choosing at all only fueled the intensity of my discomfort. It amplified, and I made myself seemingly powerless in the face of it by refusing to choose. What I didn’t realize was that simply choosing was the very thing that would shift me from stuck to movement again, and even flow.

Now, I know that choice creates. So when I’m asking for more, and things in my life begin to shift and change, I keep choosing…no matter what. I notice when I stop choosing, I’m often holding my breath and my body has becomes tense and inflexible making it difficult to “surf” the tumultuous energy of change. When I’m in allowance of the disruption my choices are creating by not making it wrong or trying to fix it, and I keep choosing in the direction toward more of what’s new, my body is more at ease. When there’s ease in my body, I’m exponentially more capable of “surfing the disequilibrium” in harmony with the natural wave of change.

So, here’s what strengthening the muscle of choice has revealed to me. Even when you think you don’t know WHAT to choose, just choose something! Choice creates awareness. You’ll soon become aware of what your choice created, and discover new possibilities that you hadn’t been aware of before you made the choice. You see, choice creates possibilities too.

What if you don’t need to know HOW to physically actualize the more you’re asking for in your life? What if the linear way we’ve been taught to figure out the specific steps it takes to safely get from point A to point B actually limits what is possible? What if your task in creating is simply to choose, choice by choice by choice, in the direction of the more you’re asking for? I often have no idea where my choices will lead me and after a fair bit of practice in choosing, my choice has become a potency I trust to always create something new. Most of the time, I have almost no idea what the new will even look like when it shows up. When it does show up, it’s almost always in a way I could have never used my mind to figure out.

What if there’s magic in choice? What if it’s a superpower you didn’t even know you had? Would you be willing to practice activating it? Would you be willing to do your own research, and see what you discover? You just might realize that the potency of choice is a far easier, and far more fun, way to create everything you’ve been asking for. It just might be the adventure of living you never knew you always wanted.

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Ask and You Shall Receive ~ Tamara Younker

9/25/2014

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You’ve heard it said, “Ask and you shall receive.” Is it really that simple? It is for me, yet perhaps not in the way you might think. When you ask, are you asking for something specific to show up, or perhaps the step by step linear path to getting it? Or, are you asking to be shown the way to receive more of what you’re asking for with ease?

It’s been my experience that when I make a request for something that isn’t yet present in my life, I will always be shown where I am creating separation rather than intimacy with it, where I am attempting to control rather than being vulnerable. When I choose vulnerability rather than control, I receive more…though it may not be in the exact form I had thought it should show up. A decision, conclusion or expectation about how something needs to look or be blocks our natural capacity to receive, and creates separation instead. Yes, I did say natural capacity to receive. It’s what would be if we didn’t live our lives from judgment.

What alternative is there to judgment? Well, I have been choosing intimacy for the last few years. I know for many, intimacy is something they only consider with their romantic partner, family or close friends. Though I have discovered that the vulnerability that creates intimacy is actually an antidote to anywhere I have created separation in my life. That includes the separation I unconsciously created from my own natural capacity to receive.

Most people avoid being vulnerable like the plague. Is that you? Like me, you might have learned growing up that vulnerability is weakness, and leaves you unprotected from the potential threat of being hurt. Yet, something different has been revealed to me. What if it’s not at all what you’ve been taught to believe? What if there is potency in vulnerability, and it’s actually your greatest strength? What if all the barriers of protection you use against being vulnerable cut off what’s possible for you to receive?

I’ve discovered that my willingness to be increasingly more vulnerable creates a more intimate way of living in and with everything in the world. Receiving more seems to be the natural byproduct of this intimate way of living, and any attempt to control toward getting something can be potentially obstructive. Instead of coming to conclusion about an outcome or result, I ask to be shown the energy of what it is I would like to have. What I then perceive is often not something I can describe or define. It’s simply energy. I know that every choice I make creates. So, I choose in the direction of what I’m asking for by saying yes to everything that matches that energy even if it doesn’t make sense logically. I choose from an awareness of resonant energy without concluding what the outcome has to look like before it shows up, or even when.

So for me, “Ask and you shall receive” is not about just asking a question to get what I want every now and then. It’s a way of being and living in the world. I have found that my willingness to live intimately with everything and everyone without need to put up barriers of protection against anything allows me to dynamically receive far more than controlling to outcome could ever get me. I’ve discovered there’s so much more ease in being vulnerable and receiving than endlessly struggling to get something through control. What if a new way of looking at vulnerability just might open you up to receiving everything that is possible? What if you trusted what YOU know?

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Tamara Younker, CCP is a BioEnergetic Wellness Practitioner and Intuitive Transformation Coach harmonizing body, mind and emotions. She hosted Consciousness Unleashed radio show on the World Puja Network, The Playground of Possibilities radio show on Inspired Choices Network and Seducing Aliveness on BlogTalk Radio. She is co-author of the Amazon #1 best selling book, The Energy of Healing.

I just want them to be happy! ~ Tamara Younker

But, Why? ~ Tamara Younker

The End of Compromise ~ Tamara Younker

You're Invited to the Intimacy of Being

Who Are YOU Relative to This Reality? ~ Tamara Younker

Surfing the Disequilibrium ~ Tamara Younker

Ask and You Shall Receive ~ Tamara Younker

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